How Can I feel Like My Best Self

You know that feeling you get when you’re having fun, like everything is okay?

Do I feel like my best self now? No. Maybe I never did.

It’s not always easy to make decisions, even the right ones. We don’t want to take any risks. It’s nice and safe here behind the walls of our life. But what if we pull those walls down? Is it really worth it to take all chances for something better waiting on the other side? What kind of feelings shall we experience then?

Can I be happy with this moment as long as there are no reasons to worry about anything bad happening in the future? Can’t I just enjoy what I have instead of always wanting things to change?

I think that you can’t feel like your best self if you’re not brave enough to try something new.

And what do I feel like doing now? I want to go for a walk in this nice forest or maybe pick some flowers and make an arrangement, but I guess there isn’t any time for that. “What must be done today” shall be on top of my priority list until the end of my life… No matter how hard it is to fulfill all the tasks on the list, I’m going to keep pretending that everything is fine with me. Because people already forgot about how much trouble we had when moving into this house and they expect us to fix everything by ourselves. Isn’t it fun? Oh! It’s just so great to be surrounded by supportive people who don’t say anything about our weaknesses.

I know that I’m not happy, but I can’t allow myself to feel like it. It seems like the only thing that makes me smile is the thought of someone else feeling bad because he/she did something wrong or didn’t make any progress at all. A failure is always easier to forgive than a success… This thought isn’t new for me and probably won’t ever change. But what if I don’t want this anymore? What am I supposed to do then? How am I supposed to change my life without dying? Will these questions get answers one day? Or maybe it’s time for me to face them already. Maybe the reason I can’t feel like my best self is because there’s no such thing as a perfect human being. No one. And it’s okay because we can’t always be perfect, even when we want to. But there is something that never makes us imperfect: The dreams and smiles that we share with other people, these feelings bring us closer to each other and give our lives sense. It’s the best thing in the whole world! Well, for me at least.




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